Actors Do It In Public
Today in my acting class we got our big midterm scenes. Everyone in the class gets a partner and we have to do a scene together, which is not so bad. That’s what we did for our final assignment in Begining Acting, and my partner and I got the only A’s in the class. (It’s my blog so I can be self-congratulatory if I want to!) The problem is, the teacher has realized that acting with sex appeal is my biggest weakness - so she assigned me the sexiest scene in the friggin’ play! Yeah. I know, I know, teachers are supposed to help you overcome your weaknesses, and acting especially is supposed to take you out of your comfort zone, but c’mon! I have to wear a dressing robe with a slip underneath, then halfway through the scene, TAKE OFF the dressing robe and stand there in my slip and change into a dress, all while trying to seduce an angry man.
Now, for all you overconfident people out there that’s not a big deal. I mean hell, some actors do scenes naked (*coughcough*danielradcliffe*coughcough*)! But for me, standing in front of a class in nothing but a slip is a big deal. I couldn’t even look at myself naked in a mirror until I was around eighteenish. And I’ve never masturbated. Ever. It doesn’t even interest me. It just seems kinda gross. I am totally, completely, not comfortable with my sexual identity. At all. But you know what they say, ‘Actors do it in public.’
So ‘Meg,’ the wonderful person that she is, offered to help me prepare. Plus we need to find a fairly modest slip and a 40’s style dress that buttons up the back. I can probably find the latter in a used clothing store, they have that kinda stuff there, although I don’t know if they let you try it on or not.
I’m going to be traumatized by the end of this, I know it, but maybe this is good for me. I need to pry myself out of my (largely self-created) shell. I’m also making a pointed effort to try to flirt with pretty much any guy I don’t find downright unattractive. I feel bad practicing on them sometimes, though. Because I don’t really mean any of it, and I know how it feels to be led on. But dammit I’ve got to get experience somewhere! I don’t know. Everything feels so awkward sometimes, and I wonder occaisionally if I’m just making myself look stupid. Maybe I’m just not cut out to be sexy. I mean, I’ve seen a change in the way guys treat me since I’ve started dressing differently and wearing makeup, but I always thought it should be an effortless thing to attract guys, whereas I have to put almost constant attention into reminding myself not to act like a sixteen-year-old. Hopefully it’ll be easier as I go. If not, maybe I’ll just convert to Catholicism and become a nun. (Eh, nevermind. It’s too much effort to memorize all those crazy prayers.)
