I’m Insane
I’d like to take a break in my description of the subtleties of my improv class to express my now rock-solid belief that there is something seriously mentally wrong with me. Let me tell you why I believe this. I spent a good hour of my life last night on Facebook chat talking to a guy I have a crush on (who’s not gay!) and trying to convince him to ask out another woman. Tell me. Does this sound like the actions of a sane woman? I think not.
I suppose part of the motivation behind these actions is the fact that all my childhood in church, at my grandparents’ house, and at school, the idea of self-sacrifice for love has been romanticized (pun unavoidable). I remember my favorite fairy tale being ‘The Little Mermaid’, and not the happy Disney version. The version I liked so much was where the mermaid was told by the witch that she’d make her human, but if the prince didn’t fall in love with her in three days she would be turned into ’sea foam’ (which is a more poetic way of saying she’d be dead). Turns out the prince fell in love with someone else, so the witch makes a deal with the mermaid that if she kills the woman the prince loves, the mermaid can have her own life back just like if none of it had ever happened. So the mermaid sneaks into the woman’s room and is just about to kill her when she realizes she loves the prince so much that she’d rather the prince be happy and have the woman he loves. So, the witch turns her into sea foam, but it was all very noble and romantic. The end.
Now I’m not saying I love this guy (who I’m not going to give a fake name to, and if you who he is you’ll realize why I’m not bothering), far from it. I freely admit most of my attraction to him is physical. But the point is I was taught that it was noble to put the happiness of other people before my own to the point where it’s bad for my own well-being, and last night’s idiocy was just one more example of the behavior this creates. I honestly want him to be happy, and if being with this other chick he likes makes him happy, then I want him to be with her. And that, deep down, is bullshit. I know it’s bullshit, and I keep this kind of thing up. No wonder I haven’t had a boyfriend in five years.
I suppose part of the motivation behind these actions is the fact that all my childhood in church, at my grandparents’ house, and at school, the idea of self-sacrifice for love has been romanticized (pun unavoidable). I remember my favorite fairy tale being ‘The Little Mermaid’, and not the happy Disney version. The version I liked so much was where the mermaid was told by the witch that she’d make her human, but if the prince didn’t fall in love with her in three days she would be turned into ’sea foam’ (which is a more poetic way of saying she’d be dead). Turns out the prince fell in love with someone else, so the witch makes a deal with the mermaid that if she kills the woman the prince loves, the mermaid can have her own life back just like if none of it had ever happened. So the mermaid sneaks into the woman’s room and is just about to kill her when she realizes she loves the prince so much that she’d rather the prince be happy and have the woman he loves. So, the witch turns her into sea foam, but it was all very noble and romantic. The end.
Now I’m not saying I love this guy (who I’m not going to give a fake name to, and if you who he is you’ll realize why I’m not bothering), far from it. I freely admit most of my attraction to him is physical. But the point is I was taught that it was noble to put the happiness of other people before my own to the point where it’s bad for my own well-being, and last night’s idiocy was just one more example of the behavior this creates. I honestly want him to be happy, and if being with this other chick he likes makes him happy, then I want him to be with her. And that, deep down, is bullshit. I know it’s bullshit, and I keep this kind of thing up. No wonder I haven’t had a boyfriend in five years.
Posted by
at
08:00:12
This is something I would do too. You know, sometimes you need to put yourself first love. Who cares about Kate if Kate doesn’t care about herself? Well, I care, but you know what I mean
Fantastic, Great Improvement, Keeping Working Hard, Wow.
You are so joking, and all your articles I like them. Very good!