K.T. Rants

OMG this is so hilarious. I’m sitting in the BioMed building’s computer lab at the college I go to, and there’s this guy one row away from me with all these badass tatoos and stuff. So I look over and he’s wearing glasses, playing online chess! Okay, maybe that’s one of those, ‘You had to be there’ stories, but still. I love ironic humor. It’s like that Monty Python sketch ‘Hell’s Grannies.’ Good stuff.
Anyway, you know that guy I was talking about that blushed when his acting partner kissed him, and I said I was a little jealous? Well, I don’t have a crush on him again, I’m kinda sick of crushes right now, but I’m still very attracted. I just found out that he’s not a virgin, which surprises me a lot. I don’t know why I just assumed he was, but I guess it makes sense why he was so crushed when his girlfriend broke up with him. I think she was his first.
So, this guy, for convenience we’ll call him ‘Michael,’ hung out with me and ‘Meg’ on Tuesday night, and it was so much fun. I was really pissed I had to work the night shift that night, cuz it would’ve been so much fun to stay out with them all night. Anyway, we were all supposed to hang out tonight, but suddenly he remembers he has to go see ‘Cats’ with his mother! He couldn’t have told me, like, yesterday before I got all excited about it? He and Meg were giving me a hard time on Tuesday about me being a virgin, and grilling me about ‘how far’ I’ve gone, and it was really awful, but awful in a fun way, y’know? I have to admit I enjoy the attention.
The problem is, I think my fear of pre-marital sex has reached a pathological level. A couple of nights ago I actually had a nightmare about it. In fact, I didn’t even get to have the sex dream first, it was just about the aftermath! It was horrible. And now I’m even more terrified than I was before. Plus, at some level I feel that once I’ve had sex I can’t really be considered a kid anymore, and I’ll feel like I have to move out of my parents’ place, but I can’t afford to live around here and I need my nursing degree before I can. Plus I have this paranoid feeling that they’ll just know. I know it’s silly and they’re not mind-readers or anything, but I just can’t shake that feeling. I just feel like sex would change everything, and it scares me a lot.
Time for a change of subject. I’ve always been tall, and I feel even worse when I wear heels, but lately I’ve been giving them a try because the higher up I am the slimmer I look haha. But I have absolutely no experience in walking in heels, and I broke my right ankle a few years ago so it’s weak, so I have serious issues trying to get around in them. So yesterday after choir I made the mistake of walking across some grass with Michael and his friend, and I did this total slow-motion fall. My right ankle gave out (the traitor) and I thought, okay, maybe I can get up. Finally after a few seconds of extremely awkward struggling I realized that I wasn’t going to make it and I had to give in and fall over in a pile. Luckily I have very little pride and just starting cracking up, but it was a little embarrassing in front of Michael. One upside, though, is I know that he actually sincerely cares about me as a friend, because he ran over to help me instead of standing there and laughing, like many would. In fact I wouldn’t have blamed him if he had - I mean, even I have to admit it was hilarious. ‘Sides, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you have no right laughing at anyone else. And I love laughing at people.