With A Little Help From My Friends
Today my mum and I are putting on a little party so our family friend ‘Tara’ can sell jewelry for this company she works for (kinda Mary Kay style). I was supposed to invite a lot of friends…but I forgot. Yeesh, sometimes I feel like such an airhead! Well, I suppose everyone has their moments. So anyway I’ll probably be only one of two under the age of forty present (Tara being the other one) unless ‘Meg’ can come, but I’m still not sure. It’d be nice to have someone there I feel comfortable around. We’ll see.
I also feel it’s important to update you on the status of my crush. I actually somehow got the cojones to just ask him straight out if he was gay. Casually, no problem, with that smile that makes me weak at the knees on his face, he said four words I’d been dreading, and one I wasn’t expecting: ‘I sleep with men … sometimes.’
SOMETIMES?? WTF DOES THAT MEAN??? After that I felt obligated to ask a completely stupid-ass question. ‘So you sleep with women too?’ I mean, c’mon! Was it really necessary for me to blurt that out? How awkward is THAT conversation? He answered ‘yes’ but it doesn’t really make me feel much better. As Meg is my all-around guru for matters like this, I trust her when she says he’s just still a little bit in denial and by the time he graduates college he’ll just settle on being gay instead of bi. Still, I don’t know why it never occured to me that there would be bisexual men. I mean, when someone says that, you always picture a woman. Sometimes I’m shocked at my own naitivite.
So, I suppose I really should give up on him now, once and for all. No wishy-washy ‘I do but I don’t', after this I’m even going to try to not bring him up here, because I just need to go cold turkey on this I think. Get a rubber band around my wrist and snap it when I’m thinking about him sort of thing. It’s tough, because I REALLY like him a lot, but to make myself feel better I remind myself I probably don’t want to have sex with something that’s been up some other guy’s ass. Very unsanitary (appealing to the nurse in me). I know, I know, it’s vulgar, but it really does help and I need to take what I can get at this point.
Thankfully, Meg has been helping a lot to distract me. We had a movie night on Thursday night and she gave me a makeover and I actually got some good pictures of myself (and trust me, I am possibly the least photogenic person in the world). So, in the immortal words of the Beatles, ‘I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends.’
