K.T. Rants

It's been ages since I've written an entry here, basically because I haven't really felt like it. Every once in a while I've had something worth writing about but I really haven't had the motivation to do so. Basically I've had a pretty good time lately, Meg's been working on loosening me up a bit. I suppose the most noteworthy thing that's happened lately is our 'No Pants Day' party. As you may have guessed by the name of the party, it was 'No Pants Day' a few weeks ago, so my friend Timmy (the one who I suspected had a crush on me) had the ingenious idea of having a party for it. So after that I promptly came up with the equation 'No Pants + Booze = Fun'. Mostly my equation turned out to be correct, although there are perhaps a few other factors I should have thought of adding in. Seeing as I really can't have parties at my house considering I still live with my parents and grandfather, I kind of volunteered Meg to have it at her house. Luckily, she was cool with it. Yeah, I can be incredibly insensitive sometimes, I must admit, but it seemed as good an idea as any to spend time with Michael, that guy I was semi-attracted to. For some reason I had the delusion I might have a chance, and I'm frankly desperate enough to have taken it. Yes, ladies and gents, I'm getting a little desperate. But you go five years without a boyfriend/girlfriend and tell me you're not a little desperate.

So anyways I got the most awesome boxers ever to wear. They have Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy' standing in his underwear and they say 'Have you seen my pants?' which I figured was appropriate for 'No Pants Day.' I wore them to choir rehearsal, although I was disappointed in the lack of response. Michael did notice and appreciate them, which made me happy, but I'm not one for wearing shorts that short in public so I felt a little awkward the whole time. Luckily the coolness of my shorts and the fact that it was a national holiday making it ok to wear them in public gave me courage. Plus I think my legs are pretty ok. I've been complimented on them in high school, and my gay friend told me they were 'good' on 'No Pants Day' when I expressed insecurities. Perhaps he was just trying to make me feel better, though. Who knows.

So anyway, earlier that day Meg took me to get a streak put in my hair, right behind my right ear. It's a really pretty reddish-purple but it's already starting to fade. I'm thinking about getting another one along my temple, kind of 'Bride of Frankenstein' style - or actually if you've heard of it, more like Susan Sto Helit from Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series. Probably the same color. I don't think I'll ever do my whole head, though, because my hair is my favorite part about myself and I really like the natural color. So even though Meg's trying to get me to dye all of it I don't think I ever will.

After that, Meg and I went to get mani/pedis, which was a lot of fun, but it took longer than we expected so we were worried that we were going to be late for our choir dress rehearsal, and Meg has this bizarre phobia of being late, apparently. So we climbed into her car and she set off at a truly frightening speed, at one point doing a U-turn that I was seriously sure would tip over the car. Plus Meg starting hopping up and down and talking like a lunatic. Which all would have been highly amusing had I not been worrying about my imminent death at the hands of my best friend. Luckily we made it there with time to spare and poor Meg calmed down. I didn't hold the madness against her because I was the one who insisted we get our nails done, and there have been plenty of times that I, also, have behaved a little madly when stressed. So is this entry getting long enough for you? This is what happens when I have a slow night at work.

So after choir rehearsal Meg and I grabbed our friend Morgan and got in her car to pick up Timmy and then some booze. Now, I can't quite remember how we got lost, I think we missed the freeway entrance or something, and Timmy's like, 'Ok I know where we are, just follow this road and we'll get to the freeway.' (Not his exact word, but that's basically what he said.) So we follow this crazy windy road through this upper-class neighborhood where I proceed to get carsick, and at the end of the road nearly ten minutes later WE WERE BACK WHERE WE STARTED. But we did find the freeway, so despite some serious irritation at Timmy we got to Meg's house.

From there we proceeded to order pizzas for everyone, and I'm afraid to say I ate an entire small pizza by myself, although in my defence I was planning on drinking for my first time and I wanted my stomach to be well-insulated. And I was being a pig. So sue me.

Finally everyone shows up, and the drinking promptly commences. Actually, I'm seriously thinking that the only reason Michael hangs out with us is that we give him alcohol. Seriously. But that's beside the point. I finally got the nerve up to try my first drink when everyone decided to take a shot - an 'Irish Car Bomb.' Unfortunately for a first-timer this is very strong. It was awful - I almost barfed. Alcohol is probably the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted in my life. So I had Meg finish mine while I chugged a Pepsi to get the taste out of my mouth. Next I tried a 'Brain Hemorrhage,' which I thought was an ominous name, but I went for it anyway. It was still nasty, but it was at least tolerable. Finally Meg took pity on me and made me a drink that was mostly orange juice with some sort of alcohol in it. This was good, and I mostly stuck with that for the rest of the night. I got a little tipsy, but not bad. Since it was my first time I wanted to take it easy, and I think my stomach was well insulated from all the pizza I ate earlier (although I did get a bit nauseous for a while - but it went away eventually). After that we spent most of the night playing video games, and useless things like that. I had considered making a move on Michael that night, but I never really found the right moment, and I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I don't think it would've worked out anyway. 'Sides, I'm over him. Sometimes I think I just get crushes on guys to pass the time. It sounds horrible, but there you are.

Finally I decided to go to sleep. Morgan had passed out cold on one of the couches a long time ago, and the drinking made me drowsy. So Meg's boyfriend helped me pull out the couch bed and I got settled in while he and Meg went into their room to go to sleep. Michael, Timmy, and the other guy there, 'Mikey,' who were more than a little drunk, went outside to talk - and not quietly, either. It must have been two or three in the morning by then, and I was trying to sleep, and the neighbors were trying to sleep. But still, the conversation was oh-so-interesting. I've never actually heard guy-talk unfettered by a female's listening.

Oops! I'm out of time and I have to go finish up my work-night. To be continued!

Next time on K.T. Rants!: What the guys said, and the big cleanup!

I have so much going on in my head lately, and I want to write about it, but since I had a 'Spring Break Part I' there should, logically, be a 'Spring Break Part II.' Even though I usually try to go against logic if I can help it, I do want to finish telling about my trip, because if I move on to other topics I won't come back to this one.

So anyway, after Vegas we drove to the Grand Canyon - and it was, of course, BEAUTIFUL. It's so amazing. 'Meg' finds it boring, but I really like it. I suppose it depends on your personality. I'm not a huge nature nut - I can't even stand to go camping very often because I hate going without a real shower for very long - but I still find myself in awe of it. I've been there once before when I was little, and I enjoyed it even more then. I loved that my parents rented us a cabin, and that time we were on the North Rim, so it was really foresty (I love forests). This time we went to the South Rim, and while it was still beautiful it was more of a desert environment. I like desert okay, but I grew up in a desert environment, so it's not as much of a novelty as a forest is. But the canyon itself didn't disappoint, of course.

I actually climbed right up to the edge and sat with my feet dangling over. Yes, I know it's stupid. My mom said there were people watching me while I was sitting there, waiting to see, in her words, how many times I'd 'bounce' when I fell off. Doncha just love my mom? Seriously. But it was a serious rush, let me tell ya. I didn't even stand up right on the edge, I scooted back on my butt a few yards before I even risked getting up on my hands and knees. I was shaking like crazy. I'm not usually that scared of heights, but when you're that high up with nothing to hold onto and a huge canyon just stretching out below you in all directions, it can give your system a little shock. I'm not doing that again in a hurry, I promise you.

Oh, and while I was there we had to use the public showers 'cause our little a-line pop-up trailer had none, which is no biggie. But I had brushed my teeth back in the trailer, and I'm a sort of messy brusher and there's no mirror in the trailer. So we get to the shower building and it's closed for a minute so they can clean it. (Hint: When using public showers, try to hit them right after they've been cleaned - preferably with bleach.) So while we were waiting I got in a conversation with this random guy. Later, after the showers reopened, I walked by a mirror and looked at it, and to my horror I had dried toothpaste all over my mouth. OMG I looked like the white female version of that Dave Chappelle character that does all the crack.

But soon my self confidence was reassured. I had just stepped out of the shower and was standing in front of the mirror trying to brush the tangles out of my hair when this girl and her mom walk up to the shower. This girl was talking in those whiny voices you hear from the higher-class daddy's girls. She goes, '...and my pedicure came off one of my feet. Oh my gosh as soon as I get home I'm going to the spa and getting a facial. Camping is so stressful....(etc etc etc)' I just wanted to crack up. I mean, I thought I was being a priss for hating to go without a real shower. And we weren't even in the serious camping area. The area we were in was the mostly trailers area, some tents maybe, but we weren't more than a five minute drive from civilization. She was acting like we were camped out in the Australian wilderness or something! So yes, I have to admit that I felt a little bit better about myself after overhearing this. I'm sure she was just having a bad day...

Well, I've been gone for Spring Break for a week, and I've been *gasp* separated from the internet! Oh the horror. I did a bunch of stuff over the last week, so I've got a lot to talk about. I'm not going to put it all in this entry, though, because I don't feel like writing a really long one today. Basically I went to Las Vegas to visit my cousins 'Rachel' and 'Sunny' and Sunny's two kids 'Lily' (2ish) and 'Grace' (1ish). Sunny's my cousin, not my sister, but I still think of Lily and Grace as my nieces, and I absolutely adore them. I always bring them a present when I come over (as the saying goes, 'Presents endear absents') and Lily's already figured that out. When I left she asked me if I'd bring her a princess book next time. She's got me figured out, but I don't mind. They're sharp kids.

I'll stop there, because I know from experience it can get boring listening to people carrying on about their kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews for a really long time. Suffice it to say I love 'em both. I also went to Spamalot at the Wynn - it was so wrong in so many ways - and I LOVED it! I even bought a sweatshirt that says 'I'm not dead yet...' on it. It's funny to see peoples' reactions when they read it. Most people who know the reference are very enthusiastic - one random guy I walked by just yelled, 'Yeah! Monty Python!' and kept walking. What's really amusing, though, is when the people obviously don't know the reference. They give me looks like, 'WTF?' I love the sweater though. I hope it lasts a really, really long time so I can wear it in the nursing home. Can you imagine this little old lady in a wheelchair with a sweater that says 'I'm not dead yet...' on it? In fact, I want to be buried in it! A morbid joke, I know, but we must get amusement where we can... I also want 'I told you I was sick' inscribed on my urn. If I have an urn. I actually think I'd rather have my ashes scattered somewhere beautiful, if only to avoid the fate of grandma's ashes in 'Meet the Parents.'

On my vacation I also went to the Excalibur and gambled for the first time! I just did the slots because I'm not really confident enough to try the tables, and I bet $30, and won $43.75! Oh yeah, I beat the house a whole $13.75. I'm good. Honestly, I'm just happy I didn't lose all my $30 like my mom did. She just played until it was gone. I can see how easy it is to get addicted to it, though. You're always thinking that one more pull could be a winner. But I'm pretty happy with how I did, and it'll be a while before I gamble again.

My dad also took my mom and I to Harrah's to see the comedian/magician Mac King. Now, it might sound cheesy, but magic and comedy are how Steve Martin got his start, so I thought it'd be cool to see another guy who did stuff like that. I'm not comparing Mr. King to the great Steve Martin, of course, but I still thought he was hilarious. Plus, he did have some really impressive tricks. I would totally recommend him to anyone. I loved the show! Plus it's not really, really expensive, which is a rarity for a good show in Vegas. Before the show he even comes out and does some card tricks with people waiting to get in, and afterwards he comes out and signs things. He seems like a really nice guy. When he saw my sweater he said, 'I'm glad you're not dead.' So he must be nice, right? Otherwise he wouldn't care if I was dead...

Oh, and while I was there I saw three high-priced hookers! Now, I grew up in the Las Vegas area, and I've been in casinos quite a few times, even as a kid (most of the good movie theatres and stuff are in the casinos), but for some reason two and two never connected for me. For the first time I actually realized that the scantily (yet expensively) clad women walking around the casinos were hookers, and not just random girls out for a good time. Ah, goodbye to sweet naitivite... Not really, I'm still way more naive than the average 21-year-old I'm sure, but I don't know whether the fact I can recognize prostitutes for what they are now is a good thing...

Anyway, after Vegas I went to the Grand Canyon, but I'm sick of typing right now so I'll talk about it next time. The end!

Today in my acting class we got our big midterm scenes. Everyone in the class gets a partner and we have to do a scene together, which is not so bad. That's what we did for our final assignment in Begining Acting, and my partner and I got the only A's in the class. (It's my blog so I can be self-congratulatory if I want to!) The problem is, the teacher has realized that acting with sex appeal is my biggest weakness - so she assigned me the sexiest scene in the friggin' play! Yeah. I know, I know, teachers are supposed to help you overcome your weaknesses, and acting especially is supposed to take you out of your comfort zone, but c'mon! I have to wear a dressing robe with a slip underneath, then halfway through the scene, TAKE OFF the dressing robe and stand there in my slip and change into a dress, all while trying to seduce an angry man.

Now, for all you overconfident people out there that's not a big deal. I mean hell, some actors do scenes naked (*coughcough*danielradcliffe*coughcough*)! But for me, standing in front of a class in nothing but a slip is a big deal. I couldn't even look at myself naked in a mirror until I was around eighteenish. And I've never masturbated. Ever. It doesn't even interest me. It just seems kinda gross. I am totally, completely, not comfortable with my sexual identity. At all. But you know what they say, 'Actors do it in public.'

So 'Meg,' the wonderful person that she is, offered to help me prepare. Plus we need to find a fairly modest slip and a 40's style dress that buttons up the back. I can probably find the latter in a used clothing store, they have that kinda stuff there, although I don't know if they let you try it on or not.

I'm going to be traumatized by the end of this, I know it, but maybe this is good for me. I need to pry myself out of my (largely self-created) shell. I'm also making a pointed effort to try to flirt with pretty much any guy I don't find downright unattractive. I feel bad practicing on them sometimes, though. Because I don't really mean any of it, and I know how it feels to be led on. But dammit I've got to get experience somewhere! I don't know. Everything feels so awkward sometimes, and I wonder occaisionally if I'm just making myself look stupid. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be sexy. I mean, I've seen a change in the way guys treat me since I've started dressing differently and wearing makeup, but I always thought it should be an effortless thing to attract guys, whereas I have to put almost constant attention into reminding myself not to act like a sixteen-year-old. Hopefully it'll be easier as I go. If not, maybe I'll just convert to Catholicism and become a nun. (Eh, nevermind. It's too much effort to memorize all those crazy prayers.)

Do you like my new picture? It's all sketchy 'n' stuff. Anyway, that's not what this entry's about - or I suppose that's part of it. Anyway, I went shopping with 'Meg' yesterday - I really needed a distraction, and Meg's always great for a distraction. She's lots of fun to hang out with. She's also really good with style. See, I've dressed like a sixteen-year-old since I was ... well ... sixteen. I never really grew out of that style. But recently I've wanted to look a little more grown up. A little more, dare I say, sexy.
It's annoying that it's such a thin line between sexy and whorey. (Is 'whorey' a word? I dunno. Probably not.) I'm toeing the line pretty close, but I don't think I'm crossing it - yet. My mom's so funny - she refuses to say I look like a whore in a certain outfit. She just goes (and it makes more sense to hear it) 'You look a little ... hmmm ... ' That's the closest I can get to the noise she makes. It's hilarious if you're there to see the look on her face.
Anyway, the sketch is of me wearing one of the shirts Meg gave me, and then I bought four new ones yesterday, one of which I'm wearing now. Meg pretty much picked them all out, because I always get nervous when treading the aforementioned line. Plus, she's hardly much older than me but she's got a way more grown-up sense of taste, and I need to work on that. Plus, the awesome person that she is, she helped me with my makeup this morning, so right now I'm feeling absolutely gorgeous! It's nice getting a makeover once in a while. Basically all I've been wearing up until now was coverup and maybe some lip gloss. So yeah, I'm feeling great, ready to face the world and get some attention, dammit! Wish me luck.